you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
