Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I want to fling myself into the sun
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
