I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
