Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
