If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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