I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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