My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
