it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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