your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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