Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
sarcasm needs its own font
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
