the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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