The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
