I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
