glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
