I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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