Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
