he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
