My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
