carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
