We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
