I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
