I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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