i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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