I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
