you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
