Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize