you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
