And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
