fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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