drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
