there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
