The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
