Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
