This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
