I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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