i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
