I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
