Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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