I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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