im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
