ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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