So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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