Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
