so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
