Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
