I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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