I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
