Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
