hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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