just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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