How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
