Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
