I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
