He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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