I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
