Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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