omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We are two peas in an std pod
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
