I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Couch. On fire.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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