Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I could fuck to npr.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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