My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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