How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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