i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
