I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
