Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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