i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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