I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
