is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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